Friday October 16th 11:14am

California is wonderful.... for the most part.

I really feel at home here. I know in my heart I made the right choice. It's hard as hell being home sick and missing out some really major things if the lives of the people I love, but this is what I need to be doing.

I have created some regularity in my life for the first time in almost a year. I have been in bed before midnight every night for over a week and finally done over eating.

I guess now is as good of a time as any to talk about why I'm in this transition period. Now that I'm confident I've landed on my feet and that changing my life is the best things I've ever done for myself, I can start to talk about the ugly dark road I took to turn my life upside down.

My deconstruction took place over the course of ten months and was sadly fueled by an monster of a methamphetamine addiction. I often reference Thanksgiving 09 as the day I started using Meth, but to be quite honest after I smoked it that first time I don't remember the next couple weeks.

Meth moved into my mind and my body and polluted my life to the point of it being unrecognizable within the first two months of using it.

It's important for me to mention here that the reason I picked up meth was because I was kicking a serious opiate withdrawal. I was sick as fuck coming off pills and meth took all that away. Not only did it take it all away. It felt fucking wonderful..... seriously, wonderful!!!! I hate even typing those words because of the lives the drug has taken, the souls that have been robbed and the innocent took a beating because of that fucking drug, but it's true.... meth makes you feel wonderful.

So where were we????? The point of this entry??? Oh yeah, I'm doing a so much better now that I've stopped punishing myself and gave myself a break for once in my life taking a chance and moving my ass to California.

Today, not a month since the last time I used, I'm actually happy. I find myself smiling constantly, laughing really big deep belly laughs.... the kind my family knows me for. I'm going to a job interview at two today, ME?!?! A job interview?!!? Oh and here is the best part.... this is thrilling....I'm going to my fifth NA meeting in a row at the same location and making it my home group today. I've gone to 10 since I've been in California. I have two girlfriends who I've went out with twice and met some wonderful people. I know that anywhere in the world I can walk into a NA meeting and be welcome. That, those rooms... as cheesy as this sounds, that's what will fill this void that I've been trying to fill my entire life.

I suppose over the course of this blog all of the blanks will be filled in and questions answered, not just for a reader, but for me as well.

This was not easy to write. My addiction is a huge part of my life and it's time for me to own it and start taking some pride in the right choices I'm making and just be done, fucking done with punishing myself. It's the only way I'll make it out alive.